OUR BATTLES
Hanns F Skoutajan
The obit in the daily paper often begins with the words “.... after a courageous
battle ... surrounded by a loving family ...”
In my forty years of ministry I have often been privy to that struggle and sought to
comfort the loving family that surrounded him/her. I recall walking through many a
hospital or bedroom door to witness that final contest. I have, however, come to
realize that physical death is not a defeat. There is another battle in progress.
Wait, more of that later!
I have been fortunate to have lived a rather healthy life. Only in the last few years
and most intensely in recent months have I acquired a more intimate knowledge
of this battle.
This last year, beginning with February 2014, when I began chemotherapy I have
been made aware of an inner contest, of spirit and body. On the first day of the
year 2015 that battle was underscored when my beloved partner and copy editor
suffered a stroke, a mild one but a stroke nevertheless, that sent me dialing 911.
I will not bother you with the dramatic details of that event. It remains to be said
that she is making a great recovery with only the occasional memory and word
lapse, otherwise she is able to function quite normally. She still knows very well
where a comma should go or be deleted. There are of course the frequent trips
to occupational and speech therapy sessions and other medical consultations.
Undoubtedly the most severe loss was the temporary suspension of her drivers
license. I am now her principal chauffeur, though there are other volunteers.
In this trauma we have been supported by our wonderful family, particularly our
Karla and Stephen , who have attended the many and varied consults at
hospitals and clinics with us. Some time ago when I was losing my hair, now
back in full bloom though a bit curly, my seven year old granddaughter
announced that she was growing her beautiful red hair long in order to have it cut
to make wigs for the victims of chemo. I don’t think I would look good in red , nor
do I need a wig but of course there are many others waiting who do.
In a months time I shall have reached the age of 86 - a number that appears with
alarming frequency in those obit announcements which make me only too aware
that not far down the road - how far I do not care to know, I shall have my own
headline.
To get back to my rather bold statement (paragraph #2) which undoubtedly will
be countered by a number of my “faithless” friends, that beside the physical
battle which we are all destined to lose at some point , there is also an inner
contest in which we need to feel that we are not alone. Many a medical doctor
has affirmed that the state of our spirit has an important determining factor on our
bodies. As in my last blog, I believe not so much in “spiritual healing as the
healing of the spirit” that we may go into warfare fully armed.
Pain of which I have had some experience recently is a very physical and
spiritually debilitating factor. I have not only suffered from
“Weltschmerz” ( Jan. 17 blog) but just plain pain. We are not quite certain of its
origin . It is at that time that the spiritual battle is most decisive as I ponder
whether I should get up and risk more pain or remain prone on couch or bed for
another hour or two?
I firmly believe that I am anchored in that “ground of all being” (Paul Tillich’s
definition of the divinity) , or touched and borne by Jesus’ simple definition of
God as Love. It is this conviction that offers to lift me above the physical battle
and give me a sense that I am not alone.
I know that by the responses to my blog that there is a “great crowd of
witnesses,” that the stands are full of rooters for my team . You are important to
my spiritual welfare even if you don’t believe in “the spirit.” So in the words of the
tele-evangelist as he closes his “harangue for Jesus”, “keep those letters and
cheques coming.” No, I do not need cheques , but appreciate letters, not
condolences but appreciation and support especially when my words have rung
a familiar note.
I introduced my first blog of the year “Weltschmerz” on January 17 with the
words, “My first and hopefully not my last blog.” Some have commented on what
seemed a statement with questionable overtones. Let me assure you that I aim
to remain faithful to that hope and invite you to join me in my, I was going to write
“struggle, but prefer to use the words “life journey” of which, of course, struggle
is an integral part.
Thank you for your prayers, if that is your thing, or the fervent hopes and
thoughts of the many others , all my very dear friends.
Spirit Quest, February 1, 2015
